Kids have a knack for saying the funniest things – whether they’re mispronouncing things, misidentifying animals or throwing copious amounts of shade at their parents.
Thankfully the internet’s community of parents aren’t shy about sharing such moments of hilarity – which are, let’s face it, often at their expense.
Without further ado, here are some absolute corkers kids have come out with that are guaranteed to bring a smile to your day.
1.
My 3-year-old came to tell me there was a “big big chicken” in our yard and you will never guess what it actually was
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 7, 20232.
My 3yo just said “Dad, can you just have a little go away please”, which is the politest way to say “piss off” I’ve ever heard.
— Imogen Hermes Gowar (@girl_hermes) April 2, 20223.
I told my 3yo she couldn’t play with makeup, so she ran away sobbing and yelling, “Alexa, play crying music!”
(SHE SAID THAT!!!)
So now Alexa’s playing some funeral dirges and 3yo is sadly playing along on a recorder
😐
— Jessica Khoury (@jkbibliophile) January 16, 20194.
My 3yo pointed to the baby and said “this guy? Do you want this guy? This guy??? Or” and then he pointed to himself, “do you want this guy?!”
I have no idea where this has come from and it’s in the top three funniest things I have ever seen
— Bridie Jabour (@bkjabour) March 30, 20215.
I came out the shower and my 4yo said “oh mummy not your boobies again” so I told her she’d have boobies when she grows up and she said “no I won’t because when I grow up I’ll be a flamingo”
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) August 4, 20216.
3yo: No one at school said they liked my tights today.
Me: Really?
3yo: I think it’s because everyone liked my tights but they were confused about who should tell me.
— Lindsay King-Miller (@AskAQueerChick) June 19, 20197.
4yo nephew: I want to be a grown up.
Me: Why?
4yo nephew: So I can touch strippers.
Me: What?!?!
4yo: I want to touch a stripper.
My sister: He said strimmers! He’s going through a big gardening phase and dad won’t let him touch the strimmer.
— Grant Tucker (@GrantTucker) March 31, 20198.
I was talking to my husband about what it would be like to have a third kid when my 4yo wrapped his little hand in mine and said, “mom, I would be pissed.”
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) August 10, 20229.
Told my 4yo he had a moth crawling on the back of his neck and he just said very plainly “identify it”
— interested in plants (@Foaming_Agent) August 17, 202010.
Took my girls to see Little Mermaid.
When King Trident realizes Ariel is gone and says, “What have I done?” my 5yo said, at top volume in a silent theatre, “You didn’t do anything, that girl just don’t listen!”
🤦🏻♀️🤣
— Stacy Buxton Mitchell (@stacybmitchell) May 28, 202311.
6yo: A boy at school said he loved me.
Me: Oh really??
6yo: Yeah. I don’t even care.
Me: ᴮᵉ ᵐʸ ˡᶦᶠᵉ ᶜᵒᵃᶜʰ
— Buffaluffagus 🙈 (@MissSassy_Pants) April 27, 201912.
7yo asked my wife how girls & boys are different. So he & I took a walk. I said he can ask any questions at all & no need to be embarrassed. He asked
1. what are eyebrows for?
2. has anyone ever fallen into a black hole?
3. what would happen if there were no toilets in the world?
— Will Dean (@willrdean) October 26, 202113.
My 5yo just walked into the room, sighed heavily and said “if I had to show every one my booty to save the universe I would.”
— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) July 22, 201614.
my 6yo daughter just threw a ball while farting and then very confidently said “I call THAT move a Fartblaster”
— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) January 18, 202115.
My 7yo son just stuffed his face with almost 2lbs of grapes, choked/spat up and said he’s never eating healthy again because the grapes tried to kill him. pic.twitter.com/LOkhSERhHt
— Princess (@themultiplemom) January 31, 202316.
My 7yo daughter: someone at camp said girls aren’t tough.
Me: what did you say to that?
My 7yo, who has had a loose tooth for over a week: I pulled out my tooth in front of him and he stopped talking to me. #parenting
— Katie Cook (@katiecandraw) August 24, 201817.
My 9 yo just came downstairs and said he and his 7yo brother were playing a game they called doggy style.
They were dressing up our dog in different clothes. I almost died.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 18, 202218.
8yo held my hand and said, “I feel tension. What’s troubling you?” I told him about the stress of being away.
He says, “take us with you next time, or plan a vacation where you don’t work.”
And then rolled his eyes and muttered “it’s like I have to teach them everything.”
— RanaAwdishMD (@RanaAwdish) October 12, 201919.
My 8yo just said she’s “lactose intelligent,” so hit her up with any pressing dairy questions.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 5, 201820.
I’m not saying my 4yo is an optimist, but while putting groceries away he held up a bag of cookies and said “I’ll just keep these in my room, ok?”
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) November 23, 202021.
22.
I just asked my 8yo to quit yelling and he said, “I’m NOT yelling. This is my voice and all my life I’ve been whispering. Now I’m free!”
— JennyPentland, GED (@JennyPentland) December 21, 201323.
My 9yo just said that at her funeral she wants someone to toss a bouquet of flowers “to see who’s next”…should I be concerned????
— Prerna (Prayer-na) Pickett 🌲🦌 (@prernapickett) July 20, 202124.
My 9yo said “Raking is good because it’s like scratching the Earth’s back,” and this is basically one of the top 5 reasons I had kids.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 7, 2018